Independent Writing #2

So this piece was interesting to write. I started out really slow because I didn't know where I wanted to take it. I wasn't really sure how to show what the speaker was going through. Once I got into it it started to come easier and just started flowing and it got harder to stop writing.
Hard to start, harder to stop. Um I read a book a few years ago and it was the inspiration. I don't remember the name but it was about a persons regret over their actions that led to a tragic outcome.

Too Late

To the one I loved too late,

I’m sorry. I never meant to cause you all the pain that you have felt that year. I didn’t know. You were so hard to reach but yet so easy to talk to.

I’ll never forget how you saved my life that glooming night. I was living in the dark then. Not knowing truth or happiness, or love. You were the sun then. I was a scared child, not yet grown and you burned me with the heat of your passion and the light of your truth.

You are honest and caring and loving. Everything I wished for me to find and yet didn’t believed that I deserved. I pushed you away. Shoved you into the hole you are now in and I wish to God I could pull you out. My hand is stretched out. Let me save you like you saved me!

I come to see you every week. And every week it is all the same. You don’t move. No comfort comes from you anymore. No hope. No love. No warmth escapes your body. I speak but you don’t respond or give me any inclination that you hear me.

I do not even know how to begin to explain my feelings; this angst that has been eating away at me for months.

I regret nothing and yet everything. I do not regret any second that we spend together. And yet I regret not being able to let you go. I do not regret anything I have done that has caused me happiness yet I do because it has caused you pain.

I wish you would talk to me! Let me know that you hear me! That you forgive me! That you did, do, and will always love me! As I love you!!

I know that you will never be able to respond. To heal this pain that I feel anymore than you can heal yourself. I also know that you will never read this. So why am I writing it? Have I gone so insane that I have lost all realization of this? This past several months have I become so emotional disturbed that I have forgotten why exactly you can not respond? Have I forgotten what happened to you? What did happen to you? None of us really know! Why would you have been so foolish! Why didn’t you ask any of us for help? Why did you disappear? Why didn’t you tell us what was going on? We were supposed to close, closer than family, that’s what we always said! We always promised never to let anything pull us apart! So why did you! Why did you let him take you away? Why didn’t you fight harder? Why did you leave us all in such pain and emptiness? Alone to grieve and wonder and go crazy out of uncertainty! You always said you’d change the world. Is this the way you did it? Had you always planned this? Why? I ask myself everyday why, why? Why weren’t we enough? Why didn’t you want to fight for us? Why did you have to go?? Why. Why…..

You haunt me thoughts and my dreams. There is no escape from you. Do I deserve such torture? I can not sleep because I see you slipping away from us over and over and over like a movie that I hate but just cant stop watching! I wish I could change the ending, I know what is going to happen but I can’t do anything to stop it!!

And if I stay awake my thoughts wander to places I can not even tell you although I’m sure you already know.

My God, I am losing my mind…